Our Nomination for the Nation’s Number One Thief…..
The “Hey Abbot Award” for this week goes to David M. Stone, the boss of the United States Transportation Security Agency.
His agency is composed of the men and women who look through your bags at airports. They also make elderly people take off their shoes. They especially check out colored people and people who look like Arabs.
If you have a certain mark on your ticket, they pull you out of line and really do a number on you. The mark has been placed on the ticket by airline staff who thinks there is something suspicious about the passenger.
Most of this is just busy work. Experienced professional terrorists know
exactly how to get around all of this nonsense and when they are ready to do
it, they will. While David M. Stone runs
this silliness, every single freight area in every single airport in the
In addition, airports like La Guardia,
David M. Stone’s look-at-your-panties employees have seized thousands and thousands of pocket knives, nail clippers, scissors and tools from boarding passengers who simply forgot not to take these items with them to the airport.
What has happened to all those items?
We suspect that they are all in David M. Stone’s garage and each Sunday, he has a sale so he can get rid of them. This answer is as good as any, because if you ask the Transportation Security Administration what has happened to all the items, they will not tell you. National Security prevents them from providing that information is what they will tell you.
The worst airport in the nation for robbing
passengers appears to be the one at
There is no point in complaining to that particular airport because whoever is the head of the Transportation Security Agency at that airport will not reveal his/her name so that you can just write a letter asking where your seized item is.
David M. Stone was a Rear Admiral in the United States Navy. It is our suggestion that the Navy check to see if any of their ships are missing.
If a ship is missing, it is probably in the garage
of our “nomination for the number one thief” in the