City of Shame Tour…

 

This is obviously not a tour for everyone. You spend a day seeing the very real New York City.  This is the Big Apple that our tourist board does not want you to know about.  Does it mean that there is a very seedy dangerous reality to this place?….You bet there is.

You will be picked up at your hotel at 8AM and the tour will end at your hotel at 6pm.  It is a full day of sights and sounds, not seen by the usual tourist. 

 

The tour includes the armed bodyguard that will accompany us all day and any food or beverages that you might want.  Passengers are not permitted to purchase drugs or sexual favors from people that we will encounter.  It is against New York City law for you to carry a gun and you could receive a mandatory one year jail sentence if you are found with one.

 

Rest assured that we will see that you are safe at all times, but the management has the right to abort a section of the tour if we feel that there is a prevalent danger at the moment.

 

Schedule:

 

Our first stop will be at the Rikers Island Causeway which leads to New York City’s main prison.  Here you will have the opportunity to meet Correction Officers, prisoners who have just been freed, and families of the prisoners.  This is America’s largest penal colony which contains 15,000 prisoners and on any given day has 5,000 staff and visitors.

 

The next stop is Central Taxi Hold at LaGuardia Airport where you will get a chance to see the installation which is responsible for providing taxicabs for incoming passengers.  Hundreds of cabs wait in a facility that is medieval.  You will gasp at the unsanitary conditions that these drivers wait in.  Bathrooms without running water, garbage strewn all over the lot, gambling and drinking (even at the early hours of the day).  You will have the opportunity to talk to loan sharks who lend the drivers money.  (Don’t worry, we won’t let you be talked into a loan).

 

We then go on to an intersection in upper Manhattan that is known for drug dealers, homeless people and the open sale of stolen goods.  You will be able to walk amongst the group and be able to involve them in your question and answer period.

 

Now it is on to Housing Court in low Manhattan where you will have the chance to see hundreds of people arriving who have received eviction notices.  You will have the opportunity to see a real trial and watch as the defendants are advised that a city sheriff will be at their apartment within five days to throw all their goods out on to the street.  We will arrange for you to talk to both landlords and tenants.

 

The next stop is our famous Chinatown, but here you will not be going to some “authentic” chop suey palace.  We will be going to a sweatshop where people will be working at literally slave wages.   They will be illegal immigrants and in most instances, you will also get the opportunity to see children at work.  Again, we will arrange for you to have a question and answer period with both the boss and the workers through a translator that we have arranged to be present.

 

Our lunch will be at a soup kitchen in the area that provides meals for some of the thousands of homeless that live in New York City. This will be another opportunity for you to meet with the actual people of this city, some of whom are homeless, to discuss their hopes, their dreams and their aspirations over a good bowl of soup.

 

After lunch we will take a walk along Canal Street which is the counterfeit center of the universe.  You will be able to buy fake watches, sunglasses, video and audio cassettes.  You can buy with complete abandon since the New York City Police Department does absolutely nothing to enforce any of the Federal Laws against counterfeiting products.

 

From Canal Street we will travel north to Times Square where we will encounter the sidewalk swindlers who have card games on cardboard boxes to swindle tourists.  You will have the unique opportunity to gamble on the street knowing that at the end of your game, we have made arrangements for you to get back your money.  And, we guarantee that you will lose, because everyone does.  We will take a break and have a cup of coffee and some apple pie at a nearby diner with one of the area’s sleazy people.  Again, you will be able to just ask any question you want of our guest.

 

As the day ends, we will go to a section of the city where boy children openly solicit to male adults.  It is an amazing sight to see and actually looks like a scene from a Charles Dickens novel.

 

Finally, we will have dinner at a restaurant that is staffed by transvestites and you will find it hard to believe that these “waitresses” are actually men.

 

Please Note:  During the course of the tour neither you nor the tour management will be engaging in any activity that is illegal.  You will merely be observing and communicating with the participants in this vast panorama of humankind called New York City. There is no reason not to brag to your friends and associates that you have gone on the ultimate tour of my city.