hey broadcaster….here are my true tales for the week of  december 9th.  i give the best tours of new york city.  contact me at peter@gabby.com to set up a time for us to schmooze for the enjoyment of your listeners and the increase in your ratings. if you are unable to make an outgoing call, i will call you for the broadcast.

 

my pre-recorded interview for the bbc this week is with randy cohen who writes the ethics column for the new york times.  it can be heard at http://gabbyattic.com/bbc or on the bbc web site which is http://www.bbc.co.uk

 

THE GABBY CABBY WILL GIVE A FREE TOUR TO ANY OF YOUR LISTENERS WHO GET MARRIED IN NEW YORK CITY.

 

****my first true tale for this week is about the movement to ban the use of horse carriages on the streets of new york city by one city council member.  there is another city council member who wishes to make it easier for the drivers to torment the horses.  in my daily blog for sunday, i call the first council member a good guy and the second one a schmuck.  you can read my blog at http://epistle.blogs.com/  I SHALL EXPLAIN HORSE ACTIVITY IN THE BIG APPLE AND REVEAL THAT I AM AN ACCOMPLISHED RIDER HAVING BEEN RAISED IN THE WIDE OPEN SPACES OF THE BRONX.  I ALWAYS WANTED A DEPUTY CALLED “CHESTER.”

 

**** leona helmsley's dog – who inherited $12 million from helmsley when she died earlier this year – was moved to florida after more than two dozen death threats were made against her.  LEONA WAS MY LANDLORD.  NOW THAT SHE IS DEAD AND HER DOG IS IN FLORIDA, DO I STILL HAVE TO PAY RENT?

 

****the new york city health department says reports of dating violence, including forced sex, have increased among the city's youth.  I CAN TELL YOU TRUE TALES FROM THE BACK OF THE HACK ABOUT THIS THAT WILL HORRIFY YOU.

 

****some landlords have quietly found a way to make more money each month: they have illegally turned units in their apartment buildings into hotel rooms.  THIS IS A GREAT WAY TO RIP OFF BRITS WHO ARE USED TO BED AND BREAKFAST PLACES AND FALL PREY TO THIS SCAM.

 

****a series of articles on fraught lives that were improved through assistance from the new york times neediest cases fund is now appearing in the times.  the 96th annual campaign began on nov 4.  last year, more than 10,450 donors contributed more than $7.5 million.  IT IS AN INTRUSION INTO THE LIVES OF THESE PEOPLE AND IT WOULD BE NICE IF WE COULD READ ABOUT THE FAMILY LIVES OF THE TIMES STAFFERS.

 

****Independent toy stores in the city that sell old-fashioned wooden playthings are booming thanks to this year's many recalls of chinese-made plastic toys containing hazardous levels of lead or toxic chemicals.  THE KIDDIES HAVE TO LEARN TO EAT CHINESE FOOD.  NOT CHINESE TOYS.

 

**** cops left a wallet on a bench on the downtown platform at grand central. they detained a young man who placed it in his bag but insisted he had intended to track down the wallet's owner. he was released after a criminal record check.  BIG DEAL. THE NYPD HAS REPORTED AN INCREASE IN THE NUMBER OF OFFICERS THAT HAVE BEEN ARRESTED FOR STEALING ITEMS AT CRIME SCENES.

 

****the famous necklace lights on the brooklyn bridge will be replaced with energy-efficient bulbs.  I KNOW ALL ABOUT THIS BRIDGE BECAUSE I NARRATED THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL DOCUMENTARY ABOUT IT. 

 

****the new york civil liberties union has sued the police department in an attempt to stop its officers from detaining and questioning photographers and filmmakers who take pictures of city landmarks.  I HAVE BEEN ARRESTED ON THE METRO NORTH PLATFORM OF THE RAILROAD.  I HAVE BEEN ARRESTED AT FORT HAMILTON.  I HAVE BEEN ARRESTED ON 116TH STREET.  SHOULD I THROW AWAY MY CAMERA?

 

****the city of new york has just launched a $30 million queer tourism campaign.  MY ABOVE OFFER TO GIVE A FREE TOUR TO ANY COUPLE THAT MARRIES IN NEW YORK CITY EXTENDS TO THE GAYS.

 

****ON AN INTERNATIONAL NOTE:  john darwin, the missing kayaker who stunned england by walking into a london police station more than five years after he vanished, has been arrested on suspicion of fraud.  WAIT A COUPLE OF YEARS AND THIS WILL HAPPEN WITH WORLD TRADE CENTER MISSING PEOPLE ALSO.